It’s especially difficult when you have a small kid and when both partners have limited time available. Workout time has to default to my time. I’ve reached the stage where my running is my time but it hasn’t always been like that.

At various times in the blog, you’ve expressed an idea that you have about how other people relate to food and exercise, to the effect that some people never have to worry about what they eat, or never have to make time for exercise, and that you’ll never be one of those people. I think you’ve also described Pam as being one of those “naturally thin” people who can eat whatever they want, which is something you’re jealous of. But what comes across in this post is that Pam actually spends a great deal of time working out, and that part of what makes that possible for her is that it is her way of relaxing. (I don’t know what kind of doctor she is, but my experience has been that many doctors spend most of their time on their feet, walking all over the place, including miles and miles of walking every day in hospitals, which seem these days to be as big as aircraft carriers.) I’ve met very few stay-at-home parents who are terribly active — everything happens at the pace of the youngest child, which is verrrrry slowwwwwlllly.

When I read your down-in-the-dumps posts, I’m often struck by the circular loop of negative thinking you’re caught in. Ideas like “some people eat well without thinking about it,” or “some people are naturally thin,” or “eating well is never going to come naturally to me because my default is to eat crap” create an impossibly high wall to scale. One way of approaching this is to banish those kinds of thoughts, and substitute concrete actions for them. But another approach is to come to terms with just how wrong those thoughts are. I’m certain that if Pam stopped exercising, her weight would balloon. It’s just a a physiological certainty.

The attention that you’re placing on your diet and exercise put you in a class of people who are far better equipped to reach their diet and fitness goals than the average person. Your success so far is a testament to this. You have extremely effective strategies. Here are a few of them: 1) if you track your calories, you lose weight. 2) you blog regularly, which draws your attention back to healthy thinking and provides a counterpoint to your bad habits. 3) you have a running partner and a clear set of running goals. 4) you now have a workout partner for the gym, which makes it harder for you to avoid working out. 5) you have a clear understanding of situations that trigger bad habits: vacations away from home, dinner out with friends, unhealthy leftovers waiting to ambush you in the fridge, stress at home, feeling overwhelmed, being over- committed by child-care and household responsibilities.

Please tell us more about your workout buddy! This is two buddies now, right? T, for running, and X, for the gym? I totally support you in partnering with other people to hold you accountable.