The date was November, 2005 and I was fat. I don’t know how much I weighed at that point–I had long since stopped weighing myself to avoid the problem. My daughter was 9 months old and my “sympathy weight” hadnÂ’t gone anywhere yet. Pam on the other hand was BELOW her pre-pregnancy weight.
The Trigger
We were attending the wedding of one of my best friends. HeÂ’s a really close friend and I had spent a lot of time at his parentÂ’s house in Vegas while on breaks during college. As a result, I had a pretty good relationship with his dad. We were comfortable enough to joke around, make fun of each other, and generally give each other a hard time.
But college had been over for almost 9 years and I hadn’t seen him in a while. I didn’t realize it at the time, but that dad said something to me on that day that stuck with me for a long time: “Well Mac, you sure haven’t gotten any skinnier since I last saw you!”
That was it. That was my “trigger.” That was the key event that made me realize just how fat I gotten and that I had to change my life.
The Epiphany
At the time, I was pissed off. I couldnÂ’t believe that he would say something like that to me. Not only was it rude, it was the pot calling the kettle black. He was way fatter than me. But for some reason it was OK for him and not for me.
But today, I look back on that day as the day that turned my life around. I had been contemplating losing weight for a while. I had been whining about being fat; I had been dieting on and off–losing weight and putting it back on.
It still took me a while to get in the game and figure things out. But that was the defining moment that made me realize that I had to get something done about my weight.
There’s something wrong in our society when obese people have to be told they are obese by the people they love. We spend an ungodly amount of money battling obesity related illnesses in this country. The last time I went to the doctor for a physical, my doctor told me that my BMI was “a little high.” I was 5’10” and weighed in at 221 pounds. My BMI was 31.7 and I was firmly entrenched in the “obese” category.
If I was a smoker, he would have definitely told me that I needed to stop and he probably would have gotten me the help I needed. My doctor could have told me that I was obese. He could have put me on a diet. He could have referred me to a medical weight loss program. He could have scared me straight. But instead, he chose the easy route: “Your BMI is a little high.” He did enough to set his conscience at ease, but he didn’t do enough to actually help me.
It took someone close to me to tell it like it was. My buddyÂ’s dad wasnÂ’t the only one who told me I was fat. But heÂ’s the one who said it the most bluntly. HeÂ’s the one who pissed me off and fired up my emotions about being fat. I wouldnÂ’t have made the change if the people in my life hadnÂ’t triggered the change in my head.
The Keystone
There’s a term that architects use called a “keystone.” The keystone is the center stone at the top of an arch that provides the most support for that arch. Without it, the arch would come tumbling down. My friend’s dad ripped down the keystone that was supporting the arch of my obesity. A few years later, my friends, family and the readers of Get Fit Slowly have given me a new one. Thanks to the people in my life, and the changes that I’ve been able to make inside my head, the keystone that supports my new lifestyle of fitness is very strong.
I think there comes a time in every ex-obese person’s life where they realize it’s time to make a change. If you haven’t had yours yet, I hope it comes soon. If you have, I’d love to hear about it.
{ 6 comments… read them below or add one }
I love the Keystone analogy. And I always love your openness and honesty.
.-= ShutupandRun´s last blog ..Foot in Crotch =-.
Great story Mac. I didn’t have quite as singular of a defining moment as yours, but there was definitely something in me that clicked and said “I can’t live like this anymore.”
The first thing that started it off was the last time I injured my back. Over the last 3-4 years, I’ve had a handful of “major” back injuries that have laid me up in bed for several days at a time. The most recent time was about 5-6 months ago. In the past I had always just gone to my family doctor to get some pain pills and tough it out, but this time I went to an actual chiropractor to get to the bottom of my problem. Like you experienced, he wouldn’t just come out and say “you’re fat, and you really need to lose some weight.” He was much more vague about it, even skirting the issue a bit when I asked him directly about it. But in the back of my mind, I knew – maybe losing weight wouldn’t solve all my back problems, but every pound I lost would be one less pound of pressure on my back.
Part of me really wanted to get started right away, but my wife was pregnant with our daughter, and didn’t want us going on any “special” diets. I had also put on some sympathy weight, and was at my highest weight ever, around 290.
The tipping point for me was when my daughter was born in December 2009. Of course, tons of photos were taken at the hospital, and when I later looked at the photos of me holding my baby girl, I saw what I had become, and I didn’t like it. At this point, I didn’t need anyone else to tell me I was fat – I was looking at the evidence square in the eye. Right then and there I decided I couldn’t live that like anymore, and on January 1, 2010 my journey began.
.-= Brandon´s last blog ..The Future of Weekend Warriors? =-.
I’m a long-time lurker who is compelled to thank you for this post. My trigger point was college, when I was honored as the senior speakler at graduation [the only uninvited guest to give a speech]. The newspaper ran a story the next day that featured a picture of me during the speech. Most of the picture is great–they caught me right after a well-placed joke that had the dais in an uproar. But most of the picture was terrifying because most of the picture was taken up by my 300+ pounds on my 6′ frame. I lost 60 pounds that summer, 20 over my first year at law school, another 20 during my first year after law school, and 10 or so since. I’m still trying to get my weight to start with a 17, but I’m much happier and healthier than I was before. I’ve completed two marathons and made fitness a regular part of my life. I’ve dramatically improved my diet. I’ve got a way to go, but I’m miles ahead of where I was.
I guess my keystone was my perception that I wasn’t nearly as fat as I was. Thank you, Mr. Photographer, for shattering it. Thanks, Mac, for sharing the story.
Hi Mac-
Much thanks for posting this. I have also been a long time lurker and felt your post hit home. My own turning point was a set of photographs from a going away party back in Sept. of 2007. When I received the photos back I was sure I must have just taken a handful of ‘bad’ photos and kept seeking out the photo that reassured me that I wasn’t that big. Alas, there were no ‘good’ photos out of about 20 or so and I realized at that point that I had absolutely no idea what I looked like. It’s amazing sometimes how we mentally see what we want to see. I was buying bigger and bigger pants but knew it couldn’t possibly be MY problem!! I’ve since lost 60 lbs and have about 10 to go. I did it the right way this time, dreadfully slow (and even slower now) but knowing it’s the best way to go.
Thanks for the great post and for being so motivational in your ongoing achievements!!! Best to you and your family.
.-= Nicole´s last blog ..Belated Valentines Day Dinner =-.
If you can have a keystone that can keep your fitness arch up mine is my children. I wanted to be able to chase them around the block – and catch them.
Great analogy. I didn’t have just one “moment” where I decided to change, but rather a series of moments over the course of a year. Seeing TLC’s half ton mom getting sawed out of her home (and then later dieing after she got the help she needed) was one catalyst for me. Another was when I wound up in the ER due to chest pains. I had pleurisy, but at the time felt like I was having a heart attack. Then realizing/remembering that my grandfather died from heart disease really got me thinking. My mom is a diabetic, as well as my aunt and two uncles. I *think* I was diabetic, just undiagnosed because it had been so long since I’d had a check up. All these things combined with the fact that I was turning 35 just motivated me to finally DO something and make a change for the better….I haven’t looked back since. My keystone is the awesome support system I have, both in person and online. I would have given up after week 1 had it not been for them.
.-= Josie (35 and Shrinking)´s last blog ..Workout Pledge =-.